just one of my favourite authors

i love love love, tony parsons.
ever since "man and boy".

writing is a gift.

" that was the mystery that we would never understand, he thought.
you couldn't rationalise it.
you could never explain why the heart chose to love who it loved.

he had been truly in love with her- he saw that now- but as much as he missed her,
he knew that he could live without her.
That was the worst thing about growing older.
That was the worst thing of all.
Realising that you could keep living without anyone,
when it came to the crunch,
when it came to goodbye and good luck,
take care of yourself and let's be friends,
realising that we are all ultimately alone,
take our pleasures where we can.

Once you have used up your store of love,
he knew now,
you can live without anyone.

That was one of the cruel rules, too."

it is finally raining on the sunny island of singapore!
woo hoo!
and it is the cats and dogs kind.
what a huge relief!

a series of unfortunate events

first the jaw problem,
and now my external hard disk crashed. (i actually thought that it was my laptop that was going to crash, so strange how things turn out.)
i am not too worried about the photos that i had inside,
but rather all my journal articles! all that time spent reading and researching!

i find myself back to square one again.
got to start all over with my assignment which is a huge pain in the ass.
i was so pissed off, i went straight to bed.
in matters such as this, it is beyond my control.

going to enjoy this weekend.
and then start all over again.

open your heart and love her for who she is.

i'm sure you will be able to do it.
slowly and surely :)

the process of growing up

means having to deal with things such as medisave and medishield.

whatever that means?!

it went as quickly as it came.

i smell reality lurking just round the corner.
yes, i know.
it's time.
i'm coming.

why me?

why do incidents like that happen to me?
like of the billions of people, the smallest of percentages, the tiniest of possibilities,
i have to be the one.

but i realized,
certain things, are indeed beyond my control.
just like being lost in a foreign land, a ship lost at sea,
you just got to continue hoping, waiting,
and see what lies ahead.

i think there is a phrase for it: let nature takes its own course

let it be, let it be,
there will be an answer,
let it be.

loved.

despite feeling down in the dumps cause of my infection,
hell yeah, it does feel good to be loved.

the druggie in me

this is how many different sorts of painkillers i am consuming at a time just to keep the pain at bay. and still it is not 100% pain free.
miss mo said i have better not do a Michael Jackson.

the pain is excruciating.
it is driving me nuts and driven me to tears.
this is going to be the longest night of my life.

jaw joint problem

i have a sinking suspicion that i might have removed my wisdom tooth for nothing.
cause the pain is back. argh.
hello, pain killers.

butterflies and rainbows, maybe not.

it all started with wanting something simple and innocent.
now, it is going to be a roller coaster ride.
hang in there.

the curtains has fallen,
and the troops gone.

very well played.
very well played indeed, sir.

my familiar stranger

times flies when you are not keeping track of it.
it has been over a year.
and it almost still feels like yesterday when i last heard from you.

for no rhyme or reason,
i thought of you today.
maybe it is because i have some free time on my hands,
maybe cause i saw something that stirred memories out of you.
with you, so far,
it has always been good memories.
somehow or rather, the bad ones seems to have been buried deep down and forgotten.
which is fortunate for you and me.
time is like a double edged sword,
it heals the pain,
but it blurs the memories.
the past seems like one big blurry image,
i even have trouble recalling your smell, gestures, voice and quirks.
just as well, i have no use of them either.

familiar stranger, thats all you are now.
i know that you are there still, and i seek comfort in it.
thats all there is. thats all i need. really.
see you when i see you.

good riddance with wisdom

went to see the oral surgeon last night.
after a brief consulation he told me what i already knew,
the wisdom tooth would have to go.
and he charged me 60 bucks for what i already knew. what the hell.
that aside,
he said the earliest he could see me was saturday.
or he could simply do it now.
and i jumped at that suggestion and decided spontaneously to do it. (i can't think of another event where i was more spontaneous than this)
i think it was the thought of spending 3 more nights in pain that prompted me to take him up on his offer. pain often pushes us to take action.
the whole thing lasted for about half an hour. i reckon the most scary part was the injection into the gums. after that i just felt like i had gigantic swollen lips. i felt strange to be fully awake and not feel any form of pain, when obviously there was some very ferocious activity going on there in my mouth. i heard sounds of cracking and sawing, it appears like someone was having a go at my jaws.

i feel all very grown up now that i have gone through it.
i guess cause if this was in singapore, i would have mummy sitting just next to me, fetching me to the dentist and bringing me home.
and i would have my auntie cooking food for me. all i would have needed to do was nothing. everything would have been taken care of.
but now being here in melbourne, i have to do all that on my own. (though i had some wonderful friends who offered to take care of me and accompany me to the dentist)
it is amazing how your circumstances forces you to do things that you never knew that you were capable of. wonders of the human nature. i am such a person who needs to be forced.

the only complaint now is, i am feeling hungry all the time!
the first thing on my list when i am feeling better is to : have a hamburger! yum yum. until then!

just 3 simple words.

"i love you"

just 3 simple words and it can cause a ripple of emotions.
for some, it comes easily.
for others, it takes almost an eternity for them to say the words.

for some, the words would give pleasure and great joy.
for others, the words bring about pressure and expectations.

for some, it may mean nothing.
for others, they attach a great significance to it.

for some, they wait around just to hear the words.
for others, the words don't matter at all.

3 simple words. i love you.

and so, i am currently working on my take home exam.
this is the first time that i actually have an exam done in the comforts of my own room.
which is why it is making it so difficult.
there are so many distractions around me- first and foremost the bed.

having your notes made avaliable to you gives me plenty of choices.
the question asks for 4 significant challenges and i have like 8 hahaha.
everything seems important to me and i have trouble trying to decide.
compare this to an actual exam in school, i would have just wrote whatever that came into my mind first. now i have all this luxury of time and not to say, the wealth of information made avalaible, i can't make up my mind!

side note: dental in australia is burning a huge hole in my pocket!

i am in so much pain lately because of a damn wisdom tooth.
besides pushing me to comtemplate about killing myself half the time,
i am permanently in a foul mood. (so people, please stay out of my way)
will be making a trip down to see the oral surgeon tomorrow to discuss my teeth situation and to make an appointment at the same time.
i will be so glad and relived when the tooth is finaaly extracted.
my liver is in an overdrive considering how much pain killers i am popping in.
i feel hungry all the time because i am unable to open my jaw fully. (apparently i have jaw stress, whatever that may be)

yes i am aware i am whining away, but i can't help it.
it hurts like a bitch.

3 more weeks and i am done with school.
within this 3 weeks, i have to

1) finish 2 major assignments
2) a mini fieldwork presentation
3) one take home exam
4) one written exam

for once, i wish i was working.

a new addition

introducing my new housemate- the nameless cat.

nameless cat is so small and adorable. he is going to be sharing the same toilet as me. i do hope that nameless cat will not be too much of a trouble.

sticky+nameless cat= double whammy for me. (especially when nameless cat is going to grow up to 18 inches long, which is about 3/4 size of sticky)

i can only wish for the best.

now i understand why pain killers can be so addictive.
because it makes everything so easy.
just pop 2 pills and the pain disappears.
you almost feel normal.

well only until the next wave of pain comes.